Never allow your divorce lawyer to take control over your case.

Yes, he knows his stuff, he’s got lots of experience (assuming he’s a good lawyer), and he is an expert in family law.

Never the less, your divorce lawyer shouldn’t be placed in charge of your divorce. You may be asking ‘if not him, then who?’

The person that’s in charge and running the operation is you.

Here’s why:

1.) Your lawyer is paid on the basis of hours worked. He gets paid whether or not your divorce settlement is good or bad. He doesn’t share the same motivation to win as you do.

2.) His only motive is making money. It’s just a business to him. He regards you in a professional sense. Personally, he really doesn’t care one way or the other about you. You are one out of hundreds of cases that he handles each year. It’s a good bet that his conscience isn’t troubled over billing you for various ’services’ that weren’t absolutely necessary.

3.) A divorce lawyer should be viewed as an instrument that you employ to achieve your ends. You are the boss and he’s your employee. Many people behave as if it’s the other way around.

Like an employee, he should be earning his pay every day. No one cares about or knows the facts about your case better than you.

4.) Set up a plan with specific goals that you want to achieve through the proper use of your divorce lawyer. If you don’t have a plan and let your lawyer take control, then he will execute his own plan which means spending his time as profitably as possible. His best interests and your best interests are not the same thing.

You can’t really hold that against him because everyone acts in their own best interests. It’s human nature.

In order to make effective use of your divorce lawyer, you’ll have to do your homework, educate yourself, and plan out exactly what you wish to accomplish. Once you’ve done this, it’s time to look for your lawyer.

Having a plan has the added side benefit of improving your selection of a lawyer in the first place. During your interview, you can make it known exactly what you expect of him. If you get any indication that he has a problem with this, you can quickly move on to interviewing the next candidate.

Getting ready for the child custody evaluation can be very stressful. The evaluator’s opinion carries a lot of weight but ultimately, the judge makes the decision.

Your best strategy lies in preparation and knowing what to expect.

The evaluator’s point of view:

The evaluator, chosen by the court, is normally a psychologist but may also be a psychiatrist or a licensed clinical social worker.

From his/her point of view, the child’s interests and well being overrides all other considerations. Although both parents may have legitimate concerns, only those of the child matters. The evaluators job is to assess the developmental needs of the child and the parenting capacities of both parents. Then he/she makes the best fit.

Preparing for the child custody evaluation:

1.) First impressions – show up on time dressed conservatively.

2.) Have your list of references ready. These should be people that have absolutely no reservations about you taking custody. They should have already given their consent to act as a reference.

3.) Answer the questions truthfully. Your answers should be as direct and to the point as possible. Never attempt to embellish or exaggerate because the evaluator will either see though it or will discover the truth after contacting your references. Don’t do any confiding. It’s inappropriate and may be used against you.

4.) Don’t say anything negative about your ex. If the evaluator wants to know about anything negative, just cite specific incidents. Give the facts and let the evaluator arrive at his/her own conclusions. Focus on the needs of your children.

5.) Don’t ask your children to say negative things about your ex. Explain to them in simplified terms, the purpose of the evaluation.

6.) The evaluator may wish to see how you and your children interact. For this, any normal activities such as games, help with homework, or food is appropriate.

7.) Pay the evaluator’s fees promptly and do not attempt to call him unless he requests it. Get a good night’s sleep, and remember that it’s normal for both parents to get rights.

Divorce is a traumatic experience for both partners and especially for the children.

Not all children are affected in exactly the same way. Personality, age, and how you interact with your partner and children about the divorce are all factors.

Some of the emotional effects of divorce on a child are:

1.) They will often experience anxieties about how their world will change as a result of the divorce such as where will they live, what schools will they attend, etc.. This leaves them feeling anxious about the world and about what the future holds for them.

2.) They will feel a sense of loss of better times that will never come back. A time of belonging to a complete family that is lost forever. They will miss the comfort and security of having a mother and a father. This sense of loss can sometimes deepen into sadness and depression.

3.) Children are self centered in that they believe that the world is centered around them. Therefore, they may come to believe that they are somehow at fault for the break up.

4.) If the reason for the divorce isn’t apparent, they may become angry at their parents for doing something that makes little sense to them.

5.) They may feel overwhelmed with the stress of too many changes forced on them. In addition to the obvious changes of the separation of their parents, changes such as living in a different environment or new chores that they must assume will add to their stress levels.

Children suffering from the emotional trauma of divorce will often display some of the following symptoms:

1.) Rebellion against doing normal routines and activities as well as rebellion against their elders.

2.) Dramatic changes in their eating habits.

3.) Sudden weight loss or weight gain.

4.) An increase in crying, stomach aches and head aches.

5.) Insomnia

6.) Walling themselves off by becoming secretive and less conversational than before.

7.) Significant drop off in their grades at school.

8.) An increase in disciplinary problems in school.

If your child is exhibiting some of the above behaviors, then counseling is recommended.

There are many ways that the unwary can damage their case. Often it happens when you’re tired and a lapse in judgement occurs.

Sometimes it’s something that was simply overlooked. Here are six tips for avoiding these mistakes.

1.) Be careful of well meaning legal advice from friends. Although they have your best interests at heart, your friends simply lack the proper expertise. Get your advice from an experienced divorce lawyer with a good record. Amateur advice will do more harm than good.

2.) Confidential messages from your lawyer for your eyes only being intercepted by your wife and her lawyer could be disastrous. This is why you need to change any jointly shared phone numbers, email, and land mail addresses as soon as possible.

3.) Never send original documents when your wife’s lawyer asks for details of your financial records. Send copies of your documents. Always keep the originals in a safe place.

4.) For both parents and children, divorces are trying times. However, the key to a quick and successful divorce settlement is organization and focus. Maintain a calm and clear head and move forward with your plan. Avoid arguments and confrontation with your ex.

5.) Staying calm and rational is essential during the divorce process. Winning a successful divorce settlement demands it. Anger on the other hand, can make you seem dangerous and unstable which can bias a judge in favor of your ex wife. There’s enough bias in the system in favor of your ex wife. No need to bias things further.

Anger isn’t the only emotion to avoid. Guilt over the divorce can be just as damaging to your case. It may prompt you to make promises to your ex that you can’t keep.

6.) Whenever it’s necessary to communicate with your ex, keep a log of what was said. Include the date, time, and the length of the conversation. Failure to keep a log allows opportunities to slip away. Something said may prove to be beneficial to your case later on.

The right divorce lawyer is indispensable for getting a favorable settlement. Your lawyer should be a specialist in divorce and have extensive courtroom experience.

He should be easy to work with and be on the ’same page’ as you. If you don’t feel comfortable with your lawyer, you should correct this immediately by finding another.

Do this before your case starts. Once it has started, changing your lawyer may harm your case.

However, don’t assume that a good lawyer is all that’s required. The other part of the equation is you and how well you as a person can work and interact with your lawyer.

Passivity on your part is the wrong approach. Do your homework and take control over your divorce.

Here are six additional tips about getting the best from the partnership which is you and your lawyer:

1.) If you’re having difficulty understanding your lawyer, don’t be shy about asking him to repeat himself or to use ordinary language rather than jargon. If you don’t understand a term, ask him to define it right away. You don’t want to find yourself in a situation where you haven’t followed what’s been said and have only a vague idea about where the case is going.

2.) Don’t throw yourself into your lawyer’s hands before educating yourself. Before you start the divorce proceedings, know what you want and what to expect. What route do you wish to take? Through mediation or through the court system?

3.) Honesty with your lawyer is vital. Never withhold information or documents from your lawyer whatever your reasons. Allow him or her to decide it’s relevance to the case. Access to all information will greatly improve your chances of winning a good settlement.

4.) Make a point of staying in contact with your lawyer on a regular basis. Use this time to clear up anything that you don’t understand about the legal proceedings and never be afraid to ask questions. Stay on top of all of the decisions being made regarding your case. Not all contacts with your lawyer need to be in person. Often a simple phone call will suffice.

5.) Your lawyer depends on you to furnish him with all of the necessary documentation relating to the case. All documents, both personal and financial, must be gathered together. Lock them up in a safe place and send copies to your lawyer.

6.) Remember that time with your lawyer is costing you money during meetings with your wife and her lawyer. Do your best to stay with the important topics and issues. Don’t allow petty arguments to use up too much time. Before such meetings, resolve to stay calm and focused.

Keeping your expenses under control during a divorce is vital. Therefore right from the very start or perhaps even before that you need to be planning how to keep your expenditures from escalating.

This post offers six tips to reduce the cost of divorce so that you can get through your divorce with your finances intact.

1.) There is a possibility that half of your pension may get awarded to your wife. The best way to minimize this loss is to halt all payments into your plan until after the divorce is final.

2.) When you know that a divorce is definite, arrange to separate all joint access to money and credit. This means credit and debit cards in both of your names as well as joint savings and checking accounts. You may be liable for all debts incurred before the divorce becomes final. Your partner may try to drain your savings and run up a big debt if this precaution isn’t taken.

3.) Time spent with your lawyer costs money. This is important to remember during meetings where both you and your wife and your lawyers are present. Therefore minor arguments escalating out of control must be avoided. Issues decided in advance that both you and your lawyer have agreed to discuss should be adhered to.

4.) There is no need for you to be making car payments and insuring the car that your wife used. It’s typical between couples that each person has a car that they consider ‘theirs’ because of usage. Therefore each person gets to have ‘their’ car and must re-registered it in their name. Insurance and ongoing payments for their car is then assumed by the person.

5.) The family home should be occupied by the children and the person with custody over them. The mortgage for the house is then assumed by this person. Otherwise, sell and split the proceeds for the house.

6.) Make a list of all debts and assets that you and your wife share before filing for divorce. This list should include all credit debts and unpaid bills as well as shared property and joint accounts. This list becomes a useful aid when talking with your partner how to divide up both the assets and the debt between you.

Getting a divorce is a process that’s both demanding and stressful. Stress does it’s greatest damage to those who either minimize it’s importance or are in complete denial that they are even suffering from it.

If you’re like everyone else, then you have a stress response that can have health consequences if you aren’t proactive about dealing with it.

Here are six tips for coping with the demands and stress of divorce:

1.) The saying that no man is an island couldn’t be more true when coping with the stress of divorce.

Your emotional state plays a huge role in your levels of optimism, drive, determination, energy, and creativity.

If these levels are high, you can accomplish most things that you set out to do, without them you will lose. That’s why the support of family and friends are important. Don’t overlook this one. Men tend to downplay the role of social support during difficult times. This is a mistake.

2.) It’s well known that prolonged stress can be harmful to your cardiovascular health. That’s why it’s important to look after your health during this period. To compensate for the effects of stress, eat a balanced diet and get plenty of exercise. It’s been shown that exercise, particularly aerobic exercise, contributes to an overall feeling of well being.

3.) If you feel that your emotions are getting too much out of sync, talk to family or friends. It may be that this isn’t possible for different reasons. If so, then get some help from professionals. They can help you work though these emotions and provide useful insights.

4.) Don’t make a habit of using alcohol to deal with the stress of your divorce. This can set up a dependency that leads to self destructive behavior. Alcohol can cause you to say the wrong thing to the wrong person which may adversely affect your settlement.

5.) Coping with the daily demands of life as well as the demands of getting a divorce can be overwhelming. This overwhelming feeling of not being in control leads to great stress.

The solution to this is to get organized. Break down the demands of your life and your divorce into tasks that are written on a checklist. Getting through the checklist in a systematic way makes you feel accomplishment. This restores a sense of control over your life which reduces stress.

6.) Don’t neglect your personal appearance. An unkept appearance tends to reinforce low self esteem. It also affects how others react to you. The negative reactions of others further reinforces low self esteem. If you retain these negative self feelings, they will become self fulfilling.

Divorce is a difficult process on many levels. Therefore getting it finished as quickly as possible is an important consideration for most people. However, it is important to understand that divorce takes time.

How much time it takes depends on a number of factors. These factors determine whether it takes a month or several years. Five of these are listed and discussed here in this article.

1.) One variable that factors heavily into the duration of a divorce is how amicable it is. When there is no animosity between the participants and both are largely in agreement about the division of income and assets, the divorce is a relatively quick and simple affair.

On the other hand, expect a long protracted divorce if there is a great deal of hostility and disagreement between both parties. This may be a difficult thing to do for some couples, but try your best to make the divorce as amicable as possible which means keeping the emotions in check. This applies not only to how you communicate to your ex but to the thoughts and feelings that you are having about her. Angry thoughts inevitably lead to angry words and actions.

2.) Your choice of lawyer has a profound impact on the outcome of your divorce as well as how quickly the settlement can be reached. A good lawyer should be honest, easy to work with, and competent. Competence equates to lots of experience with divorce law. Honesty means that your lawyer isn’t trying to take as much money from you as possible. Instead, your best interests are the priority. Easy to work with means getting answers to your questions and the lines of communication are always open.

3.) A long and drawn out divorce places greater stress on both the parents and the children. It also increases the number of hours worked by your divorce lawyer which increases your legal expenses. Keep the proceedings as short as possible by keeping your focus on the important issues only. Avoid arguing over small concerns that mean nothing in the long term.

4.) Disagreement over the smallest of things is common when there is animosity between a couple getting divorced. This can get very costly for both parties because it lengthens the divorce process. Use someone such as a marriage counselor to be your mediator if this is your circumstance.

5.) Smooth and speedy divorce proceedings demand organization from both you and your lawyer. To that end, gather up all documents (personal and financial) that are relevant. Send your lawyer copies of the documents. The originals should be kept in a safe place.

Your choice of divorce lawyer will either make or break the success of your settlement.

Don’t let the wrong choice turn your divorce into a disaster. The future of your children’s well being as well as your own depend on it.

1.) Finding a lawyer who knows what he’s doing should be your first priority.

This means that he should have had a good deal of experience in divorce cases. You are not to paying him to learn ‘the ropes’. You’re paying him to serve your best interests. More experience means more options at your disposal, which means getting what you want.

2.) When searching for a lawyer, your budget is a consideration that can’t be ignored. Find a lawyer that charges a flat fee rather than one that charges by the hour if cost is a major concern. Before hiring your lawyer, be aware of the services provided for by this fee.

3.) Contact several lawyers before making your final decision. You can get a list of potential candidates through advertisements, friends, family, referral services, support groups, and couples counselors. Other sources include professional directories, law schools, and bar associations. Even a local courthouse can provide you with names.

4.) From the list of candidates, choose a number of these to call up for a free consultation over the phone. Make an appointment with the one that seems to best meet your needs. If this doesn’t work out, make appointments with some of the other candidates.

5.) Find out how long the candidate has been a lawyer and how much of that experience is in the field of domestic relations. Is this person a certified specialist in the field?

6.) Ask for a sample bill and get an estimate of the total cost of your case.

7.) Ask for references from former clients.

The selection process can be a lot of work, but it will pay off.

Preparing for divorce is the last thing a couple would think about when they first get married.

Yet the statistics suggest that every newly wed couple has a 40 to 50 percent chance of getting divorced.

Divorces are emotionally painful, complicated, consume a lot of time and often a lot of money. They are frequently a contest over income and assets.

Although the courts favor the woman, it is the party that prepared for their divorce by doing their homework, using the right planning and strategy that wins a favorable settlement over how this income and assets get divided up.

1.) The first step is to separate out personal assets from those that are shared jointly in the marriage. These ‘non marital assets’ include personal gifts you’ve received, inherited property, items that were yours prior to the marriage, and worker’s compensation.

These assets are not divided up in a divorce but are considered to be yours and normally will be awarded to you. Don’t allow these assets to be commingled in with your spouse’s assets as it will be much more difficult to claim them in a divorce.

2.) Next, keep separate records of both yours and your partner’s financial holdings. These include bank accounts, stocks, IRA’s, and land. Store these records in a safe place such as a safety deposit box. This is also a good time to save any information that came from or is about your spouse. This means joint bank statements, notes, records, and letters. Save the information no matter how trivial it seems to you. It’s usefulness can only be assessed by your lawyer.

3.) The third step is to arrange to cancel all joint access to both money and credit as soon as it’s certain that you’re going through with the divorce. This means debit and credit cards in both of your names and all joint checking and savings accounts. You may be liable for any new debts incurred by your partner on joint credit cards before the divorce is finalized.

4.) Finally, nothing is more vital than finding the services of a good lawyer when getting a divorce. In addition to experience in divorce law, the lawyer should be someone you can trust. This person should be working with your best interests in mind and should be willing to answer all of your questions. Before deciding on a lawyer you should contact several first.

While you are getting on with your divorce, don’t forget the importance of looking after your own health, both physical and emotional.