Amicable Divorce

An amicable divorce is an agreement, arrived at in a way that is friendly and mutual, to end a marriage. This at least is the short definition.

Of course, it’s easier said than done but it could be worth your while to approach your divorce in this way. Before even considering an amicable divorce, one must get a handle on ones emotions.

There are two aspects of divorce that you must deal with. First there is the emotional aspect. The second is the actual process of the divorce itself. Always keep the two separate. Allowing emotions to govern ones divorce strategy is bad planning and will lead to a long, expensive, and drawn out divorce. The rest of your life as well as that of your children are at stake so cool thinking is a must.

Think of an amicable divorce as a kind of treaty requiring diplomacy. The quality of life of your children and of you after the divorce must be your number one priority. Long range planning and a willingness to accept compromise is essential. If one uses divorce as an instrument of revenge, this will cause the other side to respond in kind, leading to further escalation. All parties will lose except for the lawyers who will profit handsomely.

Another reason that some people engage in an unfriendly divorce is the common misconception that you can only negotiate from a position of strength. An aggressive lawyer fighting on your behalf using a scorched earth policy will lead to an equally aggressive response from the other side. Again, only the lawyers will win.

Yet another reason for divorce becoming adversarial is that one or both parties chose the wrong lawyer. Some lawyers will manipulate the divorce so as to maximize their legal fees and lengthen the time of the process.

An amicable divorce should be collaborative. Both parties should agree to attempt a settlement without going to court. Be cooperative with the other side. Always keep the lines of communication open. Necessary documents should be freely exchanged between lawyers. Develop a plan that builds off of common ground. When differences arise, all efforts should be focused on negotiation. Where there is agreement, the plan can be filled out in greater detail. You can get help with your plan by hiring a certified divorce planner.

An amicable divorce does not mean having to give up what should be yours just to keep things “friendly”. It means negotiating your way through your divorce rather than litigating it. Among the many benefits are fewer court visits, less pain and trauma for your children, less expense, and a quicker divorce. Remember that the purpose of a divorce is end a marriage so that the past conflicts are brought to an end. This allows you can get on with your life. Don’t use divorce as a means to continue and prolong the conflict and pain.

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